pitty me pitty me

i hate feeling like ive missed a very important moment in my friends life. especially when i get to hear how great it was and i hear how excited everyone is in the background and i dont get to share any of that moment with someone who means a lot to me. sucks.

i guess i can be happy im going to camp tomorrow. i dont really care anymore

your mom goes to college

so yeah, its my first day of school. BIG DEAL FOR ME! i dont know exactly what i expected but this isnt it. its a lot different then i previously thought it was going to be. my english class looks like the work load is going to be intense but over all i dont think i'll do too bad. thats what im praying for anyways. i met someone. a girl. shes pretty chill. the guy i met earlier was a little odd. but i think overall his heart is in the right place. so yeah, english not too shabby. im a little bummed that my books for just english cost me $120. thats intense. seriously. so yeah, im gonna be in like, debt from school. that sucks. im nervous about my math class. its never been a strong point for me. so im praying that goes well. I know Father God isnt going to put something in front of me that I cant handle so Im really not that worried about it to be totally honest with you. thats all folks! im gonna go call pops now since im on break! i'll write more later probably haha

mercy!

first day of college tomorrow. scarrrrrrrry

eff downward bending dog

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
2 Timothy 2:15
okay so first i just wanna start with how freaking great is God? like seriously? i was in the house cleaning cause it was getting kinda gross. right in the middle of my cleaning my dad calls me outside. no idea what the heck he wants. i get out there and hes like 'look at the sky.' i look up and see the most beautiful sunset/clouds EVER. so i run back inside and grab my phone so i can take a picture(i would have used my camera but the batteries are dead. lame) its so beautiful. the way the clouds look. the first thing that came to mind was the ocean. i felt like i was under water looking up at the waves or something. it was so beautiful. it made my heart so happy to see it. seriously. i love the pictures God paints for us daily.

i havent blogged in a couple days. i know this because hudson has been on my butt to write. i honestly havent felt like writing .. oh look who called me. he wants me to write and then he calls me. how can i write when hes on the phone? gosh. okay, hes done picking on me now. oh! i ordered my hoodie today! sweeeet! im so stoked. i cannot wait to get it! work starts this weekend. in just a few short days i'll be back at camp. i cannot wait. its like, becoming my profession of the moment or something. its what i tell people i do. its the only serious job ive had in a while. its good stuff. i love that place. i mean, dont get me wrong im kinda nervous right now. the campers are a little different. there are more behavior problems because a lot of them are newer campers. so we'll see. hopefully i still got what makes me a good counselor in there haha. so i havent blogged in a few days so i guess there are a few things to talk about.

hmm well there was hudsons birthday. it was a big bash .. sorta haha. it was his three years away from thirty birthday ;] funny stuff right there. it was a camo themed birthday so yanno, everyone had to wear camo. only a few of us actually came in camo but eventually everyone had SOMETHING camo on. i got there around two i think? took some cupcakes THAT I COULDNT EAT lame. whatever. but yeah, a lot of the day it was just me hudson and harlan sitting around things picked up a little when jose came over, then rudy, then megan. so yeah. it was just hudson, the roommates, me, harlan, megan, rudy and jose. OH and harlans friend brittney. i had fun though. at one point of course the guys started to hardcore dance in the living room. why am i not surprised? haha. but yeah it was fun. i ended up leaving at like two thirty and everyone was still hanging out but i was tired and had a wicked bad headache. i always go home with a head ache from that place.

dan was taking my picture as i took his picture haha

then he blew me kisses, crazy boy for sure

im pretty sure harlan was freaking brittney out with his tongue(he has it split)

and this would be where all the hardcore dancing started. i just love the look on justins face haha

so in the process of waiting for everyone to show up i got bored and felt the need to color in one of hudsons tats just to amuse myself. i dont think it turned out half bad!

so for whatever reason, i really dont know, justin jumped onto hudson and just latched himself on while smoking a joint all the while hudson is screaming along to a song. it was so funny. it was one of the more random things ive ever seen.

oh rudy... he cut all his hair off ... and got REALLY drunk that night. oi.

the terrible twins! my favorites! yeah, i dont even know what to say about them other than they are both nuts and i love them dearly for it

honestly my favorite part of this picture is harlans face in the background lmao

nothing like a skinny white guy dancing. gotta love it.

that was pretty much the night. its pretty much safe to say my friends are nuts. end of story. but i love them and wouldnt change them ... well there are a few things but we'll leave that alone for the time being. speaking of my friends, hudson and i have becoming obsessed and when i say obsessed i mean INFATUATED with a day to remember. we cannot get enough of this band. i havent listened to anything else. its pretty sickening how much i might be in love with this band. seriously. some of the singing sounds like something you would have heard in early 2000 when like, starting line and those kinds of bands were really big and then it'll go into a straight up brutal breakdown. its so freaking gnarly. im in love. no doubt about that.

there really isnt a whole lot to talk about. i mean, days wise. i dont remember a lot of stuff thats really happened to be honest. when nothing happens my days just kinda run together i guess. i dont really spend my life thinking about every day. maybe i should though. i may not get a tomorrow. i dont know. ive been thinking about how i used to be. how i used to get so excited about simple things. i would take a picture of a spider or something and just be so stoked on it. i used to love taking pictures. i loved drawing. but most of all i love writing. i havent actually written something in the longest time. and obviously i dont mean blog writing because ive been doing this a lot. i mean writing. i dont write my stories anymore, i dont write my emotions or feelings. nothing. its so weird how people are put in your life. nothing has stimulated my mind to want to write. nothing has peaked my senses. and then there was a boy. i dont even know him. but oh my gosh, the way he writes. ugh. it makes me melt. regardless of who he actually turns out to be. hes turned something on inside of me. and i dont mean that sexually. i mean, hes the first person to challenge me intellectually in a LONG time. its so nice to have that. to feel like im having a conversation with someone that KNOWS what they are talking about and its something actually relevant to my life. a fellow artist. not just a fellow artist but a fellow writer. oh my gosh its so wonderful! hes a little weird but arent we all? i spent all day talking to him. hes out of this world. loved it. its made me want to start writing again. to pick up my novel that i havent touched since the start of summer, since james and i broke up. i havent wanted to write since .. what? june? may? seven eight months? ive never gone that long without writing ANYTHING. it feels so nice to have my creative juices flowing again. maybe this is what i have to look forward to when i get into school. being around more people who are interested in the same things i am. who are on my level and higher levels so that i have something to learn and grow from. potential mentors. im so excited!!!!



im so looking forward to the future right now. hopefully the ministry that God put on my heart will become fully manifested. harlan seems really stoked to do it. he kinda intimidates me but not to the point where im gonna back down haha. but yeah, he seems stoked on getting the word of God out there. so im gonna be praying about that. school starts up here pretty soon. good freaking times. im actually really excited to get back into a classroom. work starting back up. LOVE LOVE LOVE it! a prophet is coming to our church on wednesday. it should be interesting. harlan is actually coming even though he doesnt like my church haha. whatever. hes never been there so what does he know about it? hmm? thats right nothing :] im actually gonna be doing something tomorrow. really excited about that. my buddy dominique needs me to babysit. so tomorrow i get to hang out for a couple hours with mister handsome markus. im excited. i love kids more than i should but not in the wrong kinda way haha. okay this thing is getting too long and im super tired. im done for now. maybe i'll write again tomorrow who freaking knows.

oh look a coyote....

what a day what a day. things are so slow right now but i feel like a kid whose summer vacation is coming to an end. pretty soon here im gonna be back in school, im gonna be working again. the days of just doing whatever are coming to an end. even though i'm probably gonna be playing a little hookie to go see my boys play. shhh dont tell.

anyways, so yeah. i woke up today to my phone going off cause i got a text. or a few texts actually. so kinda laid in bed and played on my phone til i finally got out of bed and got ready for the day. IT WAS SHORTS WEATHER AGAIN! i got super excited. dont get me wrong i love hoodie weather but its nice to have a break and mix it up a little.

but yeah, kinda hung out some til my brother got off school and we decided to go visit my best buddy hudson for a little. we got there and i GUESS, we missed it, these two people got into a gnarly fight and like, seven cops were there or something. it was crazy. we saw all the cops and the dude but missed the fight. i feel kinda jipped. hudson felt the need to pick on me for what i was wearing and called me a scene kid. yanno, even though he was wearing black basketball shorts, a band tee and had a fashion mullet. yeah okay little hardcore kid. haha. it was funny. hung out for a bit and then boned out.

the original mission was to go to wally world and get some stuff for dinner. but i felt the need to drive by and see my friend anyways. walmart was INSANE. there were like crazy people everywhere and this lady got really mean to me when i was showing my brother that veggie bacon looks like dog treats. she smelled like dirt so i didnt really care too much. crazy hippie. after walmart instead of going right home me and my brother went up this street into these crazy mountains. yanno, just to explore. we are a exploring bunch, us boquettes. we like to just drive. like last night. my dad and i went to oceanside just to go. we went and ate at angelos and went to the beach. just for the heck of it. i freaking loved it though. anyways, yeah, me and my brother went and were just driving through these hills and finally went back home. i love that kid. we left the house around one and didnt get home til four. i felt kinda bad for being gone for so long but what are you gonna do?

i ended up taking a short nap when we got home. totally didnt mean to, i felt tired though and laid down on the couch to watch the boob tube and out i went. i woke up around i dont know, maybe five thirty? ate an orange and started to get ready for church. i got SUPER stoked because hudson was actually gonna come to church which never happens and crina came too. its not every day not one but TWO of my friends come to church with me. we had a guest speaker at church tonight. it was okay like, the message was good. but he spoke only spanish and his interpreter was slacking off a little. i felt bad that the one service my friends come to its not even my pastor speaking. hudson didnt seem to mind. tried to talk to joshua, yeah that didnt go over too well. whatever. we stayed after church for a freaking long while. the service is over at like 8:15-8:20 and i dont think we left til a little after nine.

ended up going back to hudsons where we played card games for like two hours. i pretty much dominated. i beat him at speed and war. what does he beat me at? go fish. go freaking figure. whatever. and then we just talked. thats the best part about my friendship with him. we can sit for literally hours and just talk. thats it. there is no pressure to do anything. we dont have to go anywhere or whatever. we just chilled on the couch from like eleven til one am talking. it was great. but yeah, i punked out and got tired. so yanno, came home.

FUNNIEST PART OF MY DAY! we get home, or at least to my house and pre usual we sat in front of my house for a couple minutes talking(are ya seeing a pattern? lmao) and like, we're talking about something kinda serious and out of nowhere there is a freaking coyote walking down the street. WHAT THE HECK!? like out of nowhere. granted i live in a small town and there are some fields in the area there are none by my house. its pretty developed around my house. it was so freaking random. oh man. and now here i am. sitting writing about my good day going on.

oh! new band im getting into or at least trying to get into but ive only heard the one song on their myspace, my first failure. totally getting into them. they're a hardcore straight edge band from germany. the best part? they are freaking fronted by a girl. LOVE IT.



okay, so not to sound like a total girl but this is my blog and i can say what i want. i think i now know why God hasnt put someone in my life. i know im young and all that jazz but, and i know everyone says this, you've gone through some of the things i have you mature a little quicker. ive been listening to a song by the weddind(super great christian band check them out!) the song is about the groom on his wedding day. its beautiful. anyways, why i think God hasnt put anyone in my life. i really dont think he has because do i still love james? no. do i still want to be with him? no. but am i still hurt from him? yes. he broke me. i gave him everything i could EVER give to someone. i think thats a hard one to get over. who really knows. my heart is still so broken. and i dont mean like i lay in bed and just cry and cry over love had and love lost. not at all. im a girl so of course im a hopeless romantic. thats besides the point though. james was my first relationship. my first boyfriend. the first boy i ever fell in love with. and the first boy to ever walk away from me. it sucked. it still sucks. to know he is seeing other girls. to know that i was so much easier for him to get over because he had had other girls in his life. that stung. im not gonna lie. even though i dont want to be with him anymore. even though i dont still cry about him. im not healed yet. i think God knows that i have work to do on myself. on my heart. that i have to get back to that place of knowing that my love is enough. that i am good enough to love and be loved. i have to pull myself back up before i can be with someone. before i can be to the point of completely being healed and made whole again by that companionship that people look for in a partner. im good with it though. i came to the conclusion and realization that that is what needs to be done in my life. i might be over james but im not over the broken heart he gave me. if that makes sense. i hope it does. even if it doesnt to you. it makes sense to me. and i know that some day the things in the song that im in love with, 'revelation' by the wedding will happen. a man will love me and make me his wife, mother of his children and partner in crime. when that time comes i'll be ready because i know God will send him to me when God knows the time is right. I have faith in my God. always and forever.

hmmm i was gonna have some melon but now i think im just gonna get some sleep. or at least go lay in bed. im sleeeeeeeeeeeeepy.
OH OH OH ps! my boys have a show coming up on the 29th. so if you like hardcore you HAVE to freaking come! they are doing kind of a battle of the bands type deal. tickets are only twelve bucks. you know you wanna. if nothing else totally check out their myspace(click the pictuuuuuuure) and check out their freaking gnar songs!

i miss this :[

i miss camp so much right now. i miss camp, i miss clare, i miss cassie, i miss living in a world were all the ugliness in the real world doesnt excist. only 11 more days til i go back! cant wait!!!!

the post office closes at 4:30

so today was a pretty laid back day. didnt really do much. picked up my brother, rode my bike, read my Bible and watched some crazy tv show about life guards. i had a good day i think. laid back but good. hopefully i'll get to see fletcher here pretty soon. i miss her soooooooo much! she moved back down to the real world so its a little easier and not so pricey because of gas to go see her. so sunday morning rolled around and i found out my bike tires were flat. so no bike ride to church :[ kinda broke my heart. today however i filled up my tires and freaking rode my bike like CRAZY! it was great. first bike ride of the year!!

ISNT MY BIKE BEAUTIFUL??? i really want streamers and a basket for it. i think that would be fantastic. so hopefully for my birthday i'll get one if not both of those things. my birthday is about three months away? yeah about that. maybe more like two and a half months. im pretty stoooooooooked. but yeah, my brother and i rode our bikes to the post office. we got there at 4:38 and got to find out they close at 4:30. it was grand.
i start work back at camp on the 23rd. im so stoked. ive missed camp a whole freaking lot. i wonder who is gonna be working there. i know elianna and jody. itd be cool to see some of the old faces from summer for sure.

i want this hoodie so bad. its a pro life hoodie and if you know me at all you know i am one of those people who despises abortions. i dont see any situation where someone could justify killing a baby. so yeah, the shirt kinda gets the point across. they are killing babies every day but maybe it would bother the world a little more if they used guns to kill those babies. cause thus far, people seem a little too okay with 'medical termination of pregnancy'. sickening for sure.

yesterday was pretty amusing. i hung out with crina after church. it was fun. we went to the mall just to walk around and kinda check out some stores. not biggie. then we decided we were hungry. crina works at russos so we get totally cheap food. yesssss. this is where it gets pretty amusing. we pull up and i see a hummer and i look at crina and kinda give her a face and tell her i think its my ex's moms car. she doesnt believe me. then i see the license plate and i KNOW its her car. we think about it for a minute and decide we still wanna go in and eat. walking in we see that EVERYONE is there. and when i say everyone i mean every single one of my ex's friends, my ex, and his mom. oh no not awkward at all. you see they dont like crina or me. the whole meal we heard them talking about us and it made it really uncomfortable. we ended up leaving before them, and pretty much just had to laugh at the whole thing. they are all at least 5 years older than crina and i but they were the ones acting like little high school kids. so yeah, after that we drove out to redlands to get some jamba juice. it was fun times. just having some girl talk, singing along to the backstreet boys and giggling at crinas road rage. its pretty freaking hilarious.
my night pretty much came to an end, or so i thought when crina dropped me off. NOPE. ended up calling hudson because hes one of my best friends and for some reason neither of us can really go all that long without talking to each other lol. we decided we wanted to play some bored games, which ended up just being one board game but whatever. i won so who cares. i think its the first time that ive ever beaten someone at upwords. i was quite proud. harlan ended up coming over and the three of us(hudson, me and harlan) just sat around for a few hours talking about God among other things. it was great. gotta love that fellowship. i had to leave and come home though because my head was just KILLING me. i thought it was gonna make me throw up. but no, after a prayer to God and some sleep i felt so much better in the morning. gotta love those healings! and thats pretty much it. like i said, i might see fletch but if not, im gonna just chill at home and read some more Bible and do whatever. should be good times!!

yay for sunday! sunday is a fun day!

hahaha so i so totally love my church. my pastor is such a goofball. but then he gets like INSANELY serious. he'll sit there and make fun of starbucks for the longest time and then jump right into how if youre 'sinnin good youre livin bad'. love that guy. the message was good today. justin and hudson were supposed to come to church but they punked out. surprise surprise. oh well, maybe i can drag them to wednesday night. its kinda hard for hudson to do stuff cause he let his friend(whose wife is gonna have a baby) barrow his car. WHATEVER.



today is kind of a go with the flow kind of day. i might hang out with crina. i miss her faced a whole freaking lot. that would be nice. but to be honest, i didnt take a shower last night so i think i should probably go take one. im kind stinky. gross. i wish this wind would go away! its making things all staticy and im getting shock when i touch anything! bah!

turn the kitchen light off while youre at it!!

tonight was a blast for sure. i spent most of the day at home just doing some stuff, cleaning and what have you. when you are paying your monthly bill you arent exactly always in the mood to go out and do stuff. i didnt really venture out until after eleven at night. hudson was bored and told me to come over and watch a movie. we like to have a movie night as much as we can so i was totally down. as soon as i go there i was just in this mood. not a bad mood. a freaking STOKED mood. i was just having fun doing whatever. i dont know why i was just in a good freaking mood. the night started out with hudson and i watching willow. such.a.good.movie! seriously. we havent watched it in YEARS. so we were both pretty stoked on it. we didnt exactly finish though. about half way into the movie justin came in and was saying they were gonna watch the exorcist. so totally couldnt miss out. dragged hudson out to watch the movie(which he really REALLY didnt wanna watch) and pretty soon there were four of us crammed on a little couch, harlan chillin eatin food while i cant and justin(who wanted to watch the movie to start with) having to sit in this uncomfortable kitchen table chair. SO FUNNY!!

we came to the conclusion that hudson has a very patched beard. no bueno!!!


this pretty much sums up our relationship. i hate him and he LOVES me hahahaha


he was explaining the importance of being close enough with your friends that you can actually pick their nose for them. too bad his pinky is bigger than my thumb...


i might be straight edge but my friends most def. arent ... hmmm :\


this is about when justin came in and talked us into watching the exorcist. hudson threw a fit cause he didnt wanna watch it. which in turn made justin get a little upset because it was his favorite movie. hudson threw back in his face that justin hates his favorite movie(princess bride) and like any other americans the two of them started quoting the freaking movie. oh man haha


holy crap i about peed myself. when we came out to watch the movie we were all sitting down, everyone was getting excited to watch a good flick and then you hear battle axes? wth? yeah hudson had left willow on in the other room. all of us start laughing because this face pops up on justin in like two millaseconds! everyone starts laughing because justin goes on this tangent about waisting electricity and all this other stuff. so after he turns off the tv and SITS BACK DOWN tim makes the comment that the kitchen light is still on so again justin gets up and turns off the light. while he was up hudson yells for him to get him something to drink. what does justin do? throws a mountain dew bottle at hudson, managing to miss me, tim and megan all in the process. it was a very good through for sure. his face was freaking priceless throw. just how upset he got over the tv being left on hahahaahaha


by the end of it all we were all pretty amused. so yeah, my night ended up really freaking great. and now its four in the morning and i have church at eight. i honestly think im just gonna stay up. maybe take a shower, read some Bible stuff and then ride my bike up to church. why not? i live in walking distance of the church, i can so totally ride my bike. hudson and i are gonna start a gang. cyclists for Christ. heck yes!! its gonna shred for sure! okay im gonna go do something else now. maybe eat and orange and like i said, shower. all in all fantastic night. cant wait for hudsons camo birthday party on friday. should be good times!!!

because a phone call wont let me look you in the eye

so i meant to write this on sunday but i think ... what the heck did i do on sunday that kept me from writing this? i went to church and i think i went to my brothers but i dont know what else i did. huh maybe i just didnt feel like writing. WAIT! i went to sunday night live at my church. okay now i know why sunday went by so freaking fast lol. seriously, im really jealous of my pastors marriage. like, i hope when God blesses me with a husband i can have as functioning of a marriage as them. its great to see them interact during a service. pastor will say something and eve(his wife) will chime in from her seat in the front and he'll say something like, 'oh thats right. everyone thank my lovely wife for fixing my mistake.' its pretty adorable. they act like that outside of church too. its crazy how fantastic their marriage is. and its not just them. bill and robyn(my bible study leaders) are the same way. you can just tell they are so freaking passionate about each other. its insane.

so onto a topic that actually has blown my mind. like literally BLOWN my mind. okay so public opinion of christians is that we're nuts. plain and simple. we worship this invisible dude in the sky who supposedly died and then came back and now if you believe he died and came back you get to live in the sky too. i know i know. if i wasnt a believer id think it was crazy too. but i AM a believer so it is actually a pretty amazing thing really. anyways, when i was in vegas visiting my mom i went to church with my grandma. it was kinda weird cause, like, for me at least when you get really invested in a church and its where you are spiritually fed and everything when you go to another church its just weird. i know my pastor. i can read between the lines, i understand his sense of humor and jazz like that. i went to this church with my grandma and nothing really was standing out for me. i was actually quite bored with the whole place. nothing was being put on my heart. even during praise and worship, my FAVORITE part of the whole service i was just standing there watching how it seemed like right on freaking que everyone would raise their hands to God. like they had rehearsed it or something. lame. and then out of nowhere BAM God totally grabs me and all of a sudden im listening to the service like its the last time im ever going to hear The Word again. he(the pastor) starts reading from john and most of it i didnt know why God wanted me to listen so badly. and then i heard this; John 16:8-11 When he comes, he will convict the world of guilt in regard to sin and righteousness and judgment: in regard to sin, because men do not believe in me; in regard to righteousness, because i am going to the Father, where you can see me no longer; and in regard to judgment because the prince of this world now stands condemned that blew me away. just the word itself. you mean to tell me that all this time, all this stupid time ive been looking at people who knowingly sin and thinking its wrong was actually wrong of me? what the heck? that the Bible, the word of God is actually saying that I as a christian am only supposed to hold people accountable for ONE sin? the only sin that matters. and that is whether or not they are believers and followers of Christ. IN REGARD TO SIN, BECAUSE MEN DO NOT BELIEVE IN ME it was like something was being taken off my shoulders. as a christian im called to do as Jesus did. love the word as he loved the world. but thats so hard to do when you think there is so much freaking wrong with the world. when you break it down like that though its still just as hard but not as complicated. i know im supposed to help bring people in the saving knowledge of Jesus and by doing that the other problems will work themselves out. it was an amazing lesson to learn and Im so glad God put it on my heart to learn it.

but yeah, its the start of the new year and im seriously gonna be waaaaaaaay more disciplined in the word. i need to be taking time out for God and JUST God every day unlike before when it was so sporadically.

okay its after one. bed time.

the new years a new outlet

so i figured since it was the new year id start a new journal. and yanno, since blogging is all the rage or at least it was who really cares, i got one haha. the closest to blogging i ever got was writing on my myspace. but im slowly getting bored with that too. people are so fake online. its like we're all actors and the internet is our stage. im kind of over it. im still doing a mild tango with facebook but who knows if i'll really keep up with that either. but until then i have this new snazzy blog haha. its something to do. a creative outlet i suppose. and i can write in it whenever i want. as apposed to my blog on myspace when i only wrote when i had something profound to say. here i can just talk about how much i love water or something. and i do. i really do. i found a whole new love for water today. my dad got a brita for christmas. holy crap it makes water taste so delicious. you see, with the new year my church did this thing where we are going to be doing a church wide fast. we dont have to give up EVERYTHING. just something for God. so i gave up soda. may not seem like a lot to you but for me thats a big deal. i love pop. i felt myself really jacked up yesterday with a headache because i was having like caffeine withdrawls. it sucked. but im a lot better today. i felt kinda sick this morning but i think thats because my dad passed something onto me. he's been feeling sick the past couple of weeks. oh joy. I LOVE STUFFY NOSES! for the most part though its fine. ive been drinking a lot of water. its so great. plus i made the decision to try out being a veggie again. i honestly feel so much better when im not eating meat. im happier when im only eating the right things. now, i cant be a vegan. no freaking way. i love me a grilled cheese sandwich waaaaaay too much to give up all of that jazz. but cutting out meat? not a big deal at all. i was doing really good about being healthy earlier last year i did really great up until camp ended in august. then it all went to hell. ive gained a lot of weight. everyone says they dont see if but i FEEL it. i feel heavier and maybe its not as much weight as i think but i feel heavy. which means its time to get healthy again. i wanna look into yoga classes. ideally id have someone go with me. i however do not have a lot of local friends haha. we'll see we'll see. i did make a resolution this year. and it was to not make any resolutions. i hate that word. i mean honestly. does anyone ever keep their new years resolutions? probably not. why not make a commitment or a promise to yourself to do right by your body, mind, soul, friends, family ect ect? like, my plan to get healthy again isnt a resolution. its a freaking promise im making to my body. i only get one of these things i better do right by it. thus eating right, working out, and just overall taking care of myself. besides, i have problems with depression as it is, i dont need any help from bad foods making me feel yucky. im kinda sad that its new years. that means its january. that means the cold weather is gonna stop in a couple months. i love getting all bundled up for bed. HAHA not expecting me to say bed right? i do though. i like being in long johns and socks and then climbing into my awesome big comfy bed with tuesdai cuddling with me. its great. its gonna suck when it gets hot again and i have to take all the padding off my bed. believe me, i padded that sucker big time this year. two big down comforters, a smaller blanket and a quilt my grandma made me. its fantastic. in past years ive needed an electric blanket to keep warm. not this year. just an abundance of blankets and one kitty haha. its great i love it. i feel really optimistic and excited about this year. there are so many things ready to happen. work, school, life. its gonna be great. im gonna do my best not to be jaded to things this year. jump in head first and be ready for everything that comes this way. God blessed me with another year, im gonna make it the best i possibly can!!