This thing is too easy to ignore and neglect. I probably shouldnt considering I end up holding everything inside and it all so totally backfires on me. Never a good thing. So the ball is officially rolling on the wedding. Chase and I began our premarrital counseling today. It was good. I enjoyed it. Parts of it are a little uncomfortable because we are touching on things that I may not exactly be comfortable talking about but ultimately I KNOW this is what Chase and I need to do before the wedding. We have so much growing to do before we do this. But I know growing up in this and in us together is going to help us so much. I mean, I'm finding out who I am with Chase. It feels like a mirecal to me. I love it. I know everyone is talking about their goals for the new year and part of me thinks its really stupid. I mean, why do you need a new year to start goals and things like that? I'm so ready to just get serious about things. My weight, my self esteem, those are things that I need to fix. I need to love myself and do it the right way. The only time I have ever been happy with myself is when I am fit and the only way I am fit is when I am doing it the wrong way. I refuse to do that to myself again. So! With that being said, I am going to buy myself some Special K, take Aiden on a walk every day, no sodas, lots of water, and either working out on the eliptical or doing the wii fit. I need to have lots of cardio. I currently weight 156lbs. Thats the heaviest I have weighed since I was around sixteen. I need to get down back to around 125-130lbs. Thats where I need to be. I would like to be there by my birthday (March 22) no one can do it but me and I am going to do it. The weight comes off when I am diligent about it. Time to be dilegent. Its just so damn easy not to eat or to eat bad with my job. Trying to keep up with Aiden, and snacking on all the wrong things, crap like that. I have to knock it off. Its not okay for me to do. Chase deserves my best and I havent been giving it to him. The time is now. Gotta get serious about this. And I know I can do it. But as it is right now, I'm going to take a bath and get ready for tomorrow; a new day. Cant wait!
