I find myself having blog envy!! I see all of these awesome, cute, spectacular blogs AND I WANT ONE! chase tried to help me figure it out last night and we totally failed ha. so now I'm left to sit here wondering how people have such fantastic blog layouts. maybe one of these days I'll get up the guts to ask someone.
a post of more valuable substance will be coming later tonight. as of right now i'm in lurker status not so much writer status haha!
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Friday, May 28, 2010
I need to learn to love myself!
This past week Chase and I have been house sitting for Kristen, and honestly I think it has been possibly one of the best things for Chase and I.We're kinda living with one another and while I don't exactly think I could live full time with someone I wasn't married to, I can see why someone would do it with their partner. It really lets you know if you could be with this person all the time, always around. The funny part is everyone says the guys are so messy and the women are the clean ones BUT ha, Chase has discovered that while I am not dirty I am not exactly organized. We're both having to chill out a little more. Its something I see us definitely needing to work on once we're married.
Something else I've started to realize that I need to get through my hair is that I need to learn to love myself! My entire life my ideal of beauty has been defined by how thin my body is. With my ex it was really easy to get caught up in that because he was always pushing me to be thinner, to be prettier, to be better. I lost, now looking back on it, too much weight, covered up all my tattoos(something that I always thought made me pretty), took out my piercings, quiet, agreeable. All of these things to be pretty. I was pushed so hard to be something and someone that maybe I wanted to be but ultimately I never would be. And then there was Chase. Someone I've know for three years now, someone who finds me beautiful just the way I am. Chubby, tattooed, pierced, opinionated, passionate. Me. Now that I'm here, with this man that loves me, is going to marry me and I find myself at times actually wanting to sabotage our relationship because I don't feel good enough and I feel that the deserves someone skinnier, prettier, better. I mean, COME ON! When am I going to wake up and figure out that I am what he wants, that I'm beautiful to him, that I am the women he loves, that he wants to have babies with. All of these things. When am I going to stop living in a world where my ideal of self worth is defined by the scale. Its such crap. I want to learn how to be pretty and how to love myself regardless if the scale says a little more today or if I'm not as small as some of these other girls. I need to learn how to stop being a dick to Chase just because I think he deserves better. One of these days I'm gonna get it....I hope :]
Something else I've started to realize that I need to get through my hair is that I need to learn to love myself! My entire life my ideal of beauty has been defined by how thin my body is. With my ex it was really easy to get caught up in that because he was always pushing me to be thinner, to be prettier, to be better. I lost, now looking back on it, too much weight, covered up all my tattoos(something that I always thought made me pretty), took out my piercings, quiet, agreeable. All of these things to be pretty. I was pushed so hard to be something and someone that maybe I wanted to be but ultimately I never would be. And then there was Chase. Someone I've know for three years now, someone who finds me beautiful just the way I am. Chubby, tattooed, pierced, opinionated, passionate. Me. Now that I'm here, with this man that loves me, is going to marry me and I find myself at times actually wanting to sabotage our relationship because I don't feel good enough and I feel that the deserves someone skinnier, prettier, better. I mean, COME ON! When am I going to wake up and figure out that I am what he wants, that I'm beautiful to him, that I am the women he loves, that he wants to have babies with. All of these things. When am I going to stop living in a world where my ideal of self worth is defined by the scale. Its such crap. I want to learn how to be pretty and how to love myself regardless if the scale says a little more today or if I'm not as small as some of these other girls. I need to learn how to stop being a dick to Chase just because I think he deserves better. One of these days I'm gonna get it....I hope :]
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Goin to the chapel.....not quite yet
I'm kind of agitated at the moment. Not at any one thing or any one person but rather just where my life is right now. I need a creative outlet and thus far I haven't been able to find just the right one that will satisfy my need. I think I've picked my centerpieces though. I freaking love these!
I think it goes with the whole look and feel of the wedding. I don't see it costing us a whole lot either. I've been looking into it and they jars will probably cost the most at a wopping ten bucks for 20. I dont even need twenty tables! So I think we're in good shape. Just gotta sell my mom on the idea. To be honest, she's been very agreeable with pretty much whatever I want for this wedding. Now I need to just be patient for June when I go out there and get to actually bring the wedding stuff to life! So excited for all of this!!
I need to finish my house work. Until next time lovelies!
x
I think it goes with the whole look and feel of the wedding. I don't see it costing us a whole lot either. I've been looking into it and they jars will probably cost the most at a wopping ten bucks for 20. I dont even need twenty tables! So I think we're in good shape. Just gotta sell my mom on the idea. To be honest, she's been very agreeable with pretty much whatever I want for this wedding. Now I need to just be patient for June when I go out there and get to actually bring the wedding stuff to life! So excited for all of this!!
I need to finish my house work. Until next time lovelies!
x
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